Well I've realized that it's midway through the year and things are wildly different than they were almost 9 months ago when I turned 40 and planned to have an astonishing new year. So far so good. Business is growing, and I manifested a wonderful new hybrid car. (And this I thought I could NEVER afford, but lo and behold, when I conquered those fears, like magic, the exact car of my dreams appeared within 48 hours! It's a hybrid Saturn Vue, in case you were curious. :) ) And there's much more that I will mention later . . . suffice it to say that all is well and wonderful in the manifestation plane. I'm FINALLY starting to figure that part out—lord help me, it only took 40 YEARS! Sheesh! But no self-judgment there ;) I continue to learn to relax in the face of my greatest fears and self-doubts. Don't get me wrong, I've found myself confidently striding across many finish lines I thought I'd never even entertain, but with each goal achieved, I find another level of fear and challenge rises to greet me. Fascinating! And I'm grateful. I really understand now how my fears and challenges are powerful agents that motivate me to keep seeking newer levels of being; and that's thrilling! Anyway, I just thought I'd check in and see how your year is going so far. Let me know! I wish you all great, challenging, lovely travels! -Zack

Sheesh, how did that happen? I was just doing this thing over here and I looked up and 20 years went by. Is it too late to become a glam-rocker? How about a disheveled beat poet? Damn, I missed my calling! I wonder what I should be when I grow up. The list of all the things I've always wanted to do is getting longer, not shorter. The more I learn, the more I learn there is to do and the more I WANT to do. But overwhelm follows close on the heals eager anticipation. What happens when there's too much to do and not enough time to do it? I stop doing. Take a deep breath. Sometimes I speak in jest to get the point across to myself. Sometimes I laugh to avoid the judgementy bits of what EGO insists is bad, bad, bad—wrong, wrong, wrong. Release the huge contraction that is the fear and pain stored in the emotional/physical body. Feel it, and release it. Instead of hoping, I am planning to have an astonishing new year. Filled with lots of now and lots less doing. Not less achieving, just more being. This is my promise.

No one on this earth, or in this universe is going to save you, but one. You. You are the only one and the sooner you realize it the sooner your painful, aching suffering will melt into joy and peace. Do not look outside yourself for a hero or a lover to carry you; make you whole. They may pick you up, but the drop will surely come. This is the illusion: "There is someone "out there" who will complete me, make me whole, be a perfect mate to create the ultimate partnership that will finally mean an end to my suffering alone." Don't buy it. You are whole and complete and perfect already! And you are not alone--although it can sometimes appear that way. You don't NEED anything more than yourself to experience joy and peace and love. And if you can't imagine that, it only means you have yet to begin the journey to the center of your soul. Or so I believe as of this writing. So begin it now! And be very wary of those who offer to carry you; that is surely the fast path to disappointment, deep hurt and suffering—for both of you. Be well! -Zack -------------------------------------------------------------- Seek not to follow in the footsteps of the wise; rather seek what they sought. - Basho

Intransigent trilobites bearing glamorous messages of time and patience. Leaving traces, silently speaking eons with the tongue of ages. No more here; yet eternally now. I sense them making a break for the edge of the fossil record and yet, there they are. Caught in the futility of time.

You know, I was thinking . . . no, scratch that. I was actually feeling the other day and I felt my breath as I thought about the spiritual transformation and the alchemical process. I always think of the old lead-into-gold scenario and the literal aspect of the word alchemy, but then I had a blinding flash (well, it was fairly blinding, temporarily at least) that said "if alchemy is the refinement and transformation of the base into the noble, then our breath is just another version of the same thing." and then i said "cool! that's really real!" We are transforming every second and we can choose to enhance our transformation and become co-creators when we bring awareness to the breath. Could it be the awareness and the breath in concert that trigger the alchemical process in the 3 bodies? Maybe the physical, mental and emotional bodies are constantly going through this alchemical transformation and we can choose to accelerate it with our attention. Or maybe they're not going through the process, but awareness is the catalyst that makes all the difference between nothing an something. Or something like that. I'm still refining and it's a rough idea. But it sure feels like there's something more here. -Z

In one moment, I pause and I note that I am noticing my actions again. I am glad. And then I feel the urge to indulge in a pleasurable pursuit "just one more time today" even though I have already done so all day to this point. I have watched 4 episodes of the DVD series I rented. And in this moment I sense that I have fed my need enough and even though "just one more" would indeed be pleasurable and fun, something speaks to me from way off and reminds me that I may take this path, but it may be diverging now from my optimal path—the path that will truly feed me and lead me to the realization of my highest potential. And so I asked myself what would happen if, in every moment, say, just for one whole day (to start with), I took only actions which I intrinsically felt were in accord with my highest potential. What would that look like? What would happen? Many times I put off reading my sufi poetry or doing a FULL ashtanga practice in order to indulge in a much "needed" reading of a superficial, but fun article online, or calling a friend for some chitchat. I grant that these things are also genuinely important at times and provide downtime for recharging, but there is a tipping point, if you will, where they become an unhealthy attachment—a diversion for the sake of avoiding our highest potential. In their most unhealthy extremes, these indulgences are also called addictions. The interesting thing is, the other things that I have put off in order to indulge are, in fact, even more pleasurable than the indulgence I am now about to over-consume. It's just that sometimes I don't enjoy the thought of doing my full Ashtanga practice as much as the idea of watching a great movie. But if I were to complete my 2 hour practice, or even a 1 hour asana exploration, I would be in heaven, as I always am, and then watching a movie would be even more pleasurable. And where would I be after watching a movie without my practice? My body would be aching from too much sitting down, and my mind and my emotions would be where-ever the director of the film had encouraged me to follow. And while this is fine in general, if I have not done my practice, then this would be an example of not acting in accord with highest potential. There is no written-in-stone way to do this. There can be no rule that says, "Watch movies only after you have completed your yoga practice." Sometimes the reverse would be the right action if you had been doing way too much yoga and were imbalanced in that direction. The key here is simply noticing the imbalance whenever it occurs and then taking the next right action that rebalances us, or aligns with highest potential. And remember, you will fail. And this failure is wonderful and you must forgive yourself and then take the next right action that aligns with your highest potential. I'm going to try it tomorrow and see what happens. No wait. I'm going to try it NOW and see what happens. In fact, do you realize that writing this was the thing that spoke to me as being the next right action in accord with realizing my highest potential? It taught me a lot and I feel much better now. Thanks for following along this far. I'll keep you apprised. Sincerely, -Zack

I get it and I lose it and I get it and I lose it. I’m soo starting to get that getting it is losing it and losing it is getting it … get it? I think I just lost it again … yay! . . . aw crud . . . (and dang skippy, too.)

awareness bees knees being in the moment community connection consciousness duality growth layla love majnun now pain path presence reality resistance rumi sufi teaching transformation

standing like never and in between and the stable of thrashing wild beasts is raging to be cut free. tasting a moment in time, it lights on the tongue with a furious flavor and suffuses the body stardust with glee and power. and is gone. if you chase it. Zack December, 2005

Each time I sign in and check back with Zaadz, I am newly inspired to keep pushing forward with my own growth and awareness. It's easy to get bogged down in one's daily story of what I like to call "small-self" and if you don't re-connect with community and get out of that small-self you can forget, for a moment, your "big-self", the one that's already enlightened and trying to guide you to higher and higher levels of awareness. . . . So thank goodness for Zaadz for being here and helping us all re-connect! I continue to grow ever more excited about this community and what it suggests is possible when a (large) few of us humans get together with shared vision and awareness. What a marvelous development! As my friend, Heather (who told me about Zaadz) says, "ciao fer now", -Zack ============================ "the bee's knees" (Phrase Origins) A bee's "corbiculae", or pollen-baskets, are located on its tibiae (midsegments of its legs). The phrase "the bee's knees", meaning "the height of excellence", became popular in the U.S. in the 1920s, along with "the cat's whiskers" (possibly from the use of these in radio crystal sets), "the cat's pajamas" (pyjamas were still new enough to be daring), and similar phrases which made less sense and didn't endure: "the eel's ankle", "the elephant's instep", "the snake's hip". Stories in circulation about the phrase's origin include: "b's and e's", short for "be-alls and end-alls"; and a corruption of "business". Source: [Mark Israel, 'Phrase Origins: "the bee's knees"', The alt.usage.english FAQ file,(line 4407), (29 Sept 1997)]